After much thought and a lot of back and forth with the fearful part of my psyche, I have decided to go "natural". My plan is to perm no more. As I moved more and more towards this decision, I learned several things about myself.
As I surf the net, I have seen lots of sisters chronicling their road to natural. I will probably do the same but in a more private way. My focus today is more on the thought right now as I prep for the action. I am upset with myself because I have waffled with this process for nearly six months. Not a long time per se, but too long to go back to something that I probably never should have left. Also a long time if you consider the fact that most human hair grows roughly a 1/2 inch per month. I would have been 3 inches in already. I've learned some things about myself that I have found disconcerting. I am going to go through some of them in the paragraphs below.
I consider myself a relatively decisive person. I will think it through but generally once I am in or out that's it. Absolutely not the case with the plan to go natural. I stalled for what I consider a long time. The reality is that I waffled for six months, citing various things to myself. I said: I needed more info, would wait to see if I had to job hunt, needed more money. The list goes on. The reality is, at the root of all this was insecurity. Each time I said one of those things to myself, the underlying issue was--"what will other people think of me?" This brings me into my next "things-I-learned-about-me".
There really is a part of me that cares what other people think. At least in terms of appearance. Frankly, I am a little too "mature" for this. I am a grown ass woman so I have no idea why I would give a shit if he/she/it/they/them like my hair. Then it hit me: Oh yeah, I am single. The reality is that new me is going to be better than old me because it ain't just about my hair. Kick rocks if you're not down with that. Who wouldn't want someone to be and do better?
I am excited and scared as hell at the same time. Honestly, I don't even remember my "real hair" other than the fact that I was tender headed alot alot. This will be an adventure and a chance for growth--no pun intended. I am writing more to and for myself than anyone else. The reality is that I will have to look back here when it's time to head out for some social function that requires fly hair and I am not sure if I fit the bill. So, bolstered by my "Cuzzins' Day" chat with the girls and a reclaimed sense of self--I'M GOING IN...
As for the photos and the YouTube videos I may do that when it grows out a little. I have opted against what it lovingly known as "The Big Chop" which is not a reference to pork but what many women do when they decide to go natural.
So, the pic you see will change every month as my process evolves. Thank you and shoutout to all the sisters that are in the process, have gone through the process, will go through the process and even the ones who think that kinky hair is only for the Motherland. Equally, props to mi amiga Dominicana Kayka who kept me fabulous for ten years. I have to tell her that she is the side chick now Wish me well. Love. Peace. and SOOOOOUUUULLLLLLL!!!!!!
