Transitioning And It Ain't Just For Hair

So, I've talked here about the fact that I am going natural and have started the transitioning process. The reality is that as I get into it, I am learnng and frankly--transitioning is not just for hair. I tried to post a video but the tech Gods would not allow it. As my "real hair grows so does my "real me." I am amazed at what people are willing to say to you about your hair. I guess I really shouldn't be though.



I am happy so far with my progress and I have found some really good products. So, your Sista is growing and so is her hair. I am looking at my life and I got to make some changes. In a good way. So I will keep you posted. Do something new everyday.



And The Journey Begins...

    After much thought and a lot of back and forth with the fearful part of my psyche, I have decided to go "natural".  My plan is to perm no more.  As I moved more and more towards this decision, I learned several things about myself. 

     As I surf the net, I have seen lots of sisters chronicling their road to natural.  I will probably do the same but in a more private way.  My focus today is more on the thought right now as I prep for the action.  I am upset with myself because I have waffled with this process for nearly six months.  Not a long time per se, but too long to go back to something that I probably never should have left.  Also a long time if you consider the fact that most human hair grows roughly a 1/2 inch per month.  I would have been 3 inches in already.  I've learned some things about myself that I have found disconcerting. I am going to go through some of them in the paragraphs below. 

    I consider myself a relatively decisive person.  I will think it through but generally once I am in or out that's it.  Absolutely not the case with the plan to go natural.  I stalled for what I consider a long time.  The reality is that I waffled for six months, citing various things to myself.  I said:  I needed more info, would wait to see if I had to job hunt, needed more money.  The list goes on.  The reality is, at the root of all this was insecurity.  Each time I said one of those things to myself, the underlying issue was--"what will other people think of me?"  This brings me into my next "things-I-learned-about-me".

    There really is a part of me that cares what other people think.  At least in terms of appearance.  Frankly, I am a little too "mature" for this.  I am a grown ass woman so I have no idea why I would give a shit if he/she/it/they/them like my hair.  Then it hit me:  Oh yeah, I am single.  The reality is that new me is going to be better than old me because it ain't just about my hair.  Kick rocks if you're not down with that.  Who wouldn't want someone to be and do better?

     I am excited and scared as hell at the same time.  Honestly, I don't even remember my "real hair" other than the fact that I was tender headed alot alot.  This will be an adventure and a chance for growth--no pun intended.  I am writing more to and for myself than anyone else.  The reality is that I will have to look back here when it's time to head out for some social function that requires fly hair and I am not sure if I fit the bill.  So, bolstered by my "Cuzzins' Day" chat with the girls and a reclaimed sense of self--I'M GOING IN...

    As for the photos and the YouTube videos I may do that when it grows out a little.  I have opted against what it lovingly known as "The Big Chop" which is not a reference to pork but what many women do when they decide to go natural.

   So, the pic you see will change every month as my process evolves.  Thank you and shoutout to all the sisters that are in the process, have gone through the process, will go through the process and even the ones who think that kinky hair is only for the Motherland.  Equally, props to mi amiga Dominicana Kayka who kept me fabulous for ten years.  I have to tell her that she is the side chick now  Wish me well.  Love.  Peace. and SOOOOOUUUULLLLLLL!!!!!!

Road Tripping or "Things We Do For These Damn Kids"

     So, imagine the pride I felt when my child was accepted to all the schools she applied to, it was magical.  She was excited and I was proud beyond the boundaries of pride.  I was proud that she got accepted to the places that she selected but I was even more of the meticulous process she went through in search of the right collegiate fit.  I watched her identify things about herself.  She wanted a smaller school.  She did not want to be in a big city.  Must be coed and socially diverse and so on the list went.  The most important thing about any selected school?  MUST HAVE HORSES.  She then declared that she had found her school.  A beautiful school, nestled in a town that would rival any Rockwell painting or Currier and Ives tin.  A mere four hour drive.  Not around the corner but manageable and doable by all accounts.  There was a school that she applied to, mainly because they invited her to apply.  She felt like "why not?" AND GUESS WHAT????  She gets in, they invite her to visit, she does and my four hours turns into 10. 

     So, as the time got closer she began her college countdown, and I began my dread.  Ten hours away the first time you go away???  Who does that?  I guess the answer is well adjusted kids with supportive parents.  So fast forward to road trip day.  Six hundred miles of driving not counting the pitstop in Queens to fetch Gramma.  The trip down is uneventful and to be perfectly honest--positively beautiful. Shout out to the entire state of West Virginia for the 70mph speed limit.   We had breakfast at Denny's and I watched the road while my passengers comtemplated the insides of their eyelids.  Somewhere around Roanoke the gravity of the day hit me.  I have packed up my daughter, her belongings and an overnight bag and I will be leaving two of the three in another state.  WOW.  I have reached the day that parents long for.  All I can think of is how long and lonely the ride back is going to be.

     I guess bringing the preschooler along was a good idea after all.  We reach our destination and the crowd goes wild.  I go to the bathroom because this is where I need a moment.  As a mother, you long for the time when your child completes their education and heads off to college--and then it arrives. All this preparation, goal setting, tending the crops and it comes to one instant.  It wasn't until we unpacked the car at the hotel that it hit me.  This is the moment of her life--and the turning point of mine.  My momming is just extra now not essential.  She is on the road to her own experiences and in a way I am on the road to mine.

    I won't even get into the feeling of being turned inside out for cash and needing to find every document ever printed pertaining to this child from birth to present day.  I won't even get into the little moments of my mother asking 50 questions, the body wash theft or other such memorable moments.  She is settled in and I am unsettled.  It's the Newton's Principle--for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  I am going to settle in and start the process all over.

   It's a beautiful time for all of us.  I think so and what?