How WE Raise Our Sons

     As a single mom one of the hardest things I had to do was raise a son.  Times two.  As a woman, I think about men and their role in some of my struggles.  Shortly after that, I remind myself that I made choices and if they were the best choices given the information I had, then I did my best.  I digress.  Being a single mom was tough and raising male children was even tougher.  Keep your fingers crossed because I am still in the struggle.

     Everyday I hear or see a man say something that forces me to say " 'Where is or does he have a momma?' "  My next thought is the hope that no one will say that about either of my boys.  The reality is that very often--right or wrong--moms bear the brunt of the blame when kids go bad.  They also get the look, when that grown ass man acts like he is 16.  Now, make no mistake there are clear instances of right and wrong.  If your 40 year-old lives in your basement and you do his laundry or help with the car note then you're wrong.   I guess it's a generalization but so be it. 

    I freely admit that as the mother of an adult son I sometimes think that he could make better decisions.  However, on the whole I think he's doing OK.  I often wonder how many moms are aghast at their child's behavior?  I also wonder how many of the smooth-talking player type, the lay on your couch type, and the whip your ass type dudes became that because of, with the blessing of, or in spite of a loving parent?  No one grows in a vacuum.  We all become, to some extent, what we experience.  We also test limits, whether age 2 or 22 and learn based on the result.

    There are a lot of things to think about when it comes to parenting.  When you're a woman and raising males that creates an extra layer.  On top of that, add your own personal experiences with men to ice the cake and it makes for a growth process for everyone involved.  I don't make any judgments about the mothers of the men I've dated but I ain't gonna lie--I got real questions for some of you.  I think so...and what?

Hair I Go

     So, some sisters go natural and spend hundreds of dollars with the loc-tician.  I freely admit that although enlightened I continue to perm.  At some point, I will leave the chemicals behind but for now I am an "8-weeker."  That's how often I perm.  So, generally because it isn't cost prohibitive, I look up my "hermanas Dominicanas" (Dominican sistas) for wash and sets on a weekly basis.  Now, I freely admit that I don't expect lattes and wine for my $20 haircare experience but I'm saying--there should be some basic things.  My biggest complaint about my regular hairspot is that when you walk you will think that you are in the plaza in D.R.  Loud music, loud women, ringing cellphones, sistas on them talking about confronting the side chick, dudes running through to see if "she-where-she-said-she-was" type things.

     That being said, the convenience and the skills of my hair person outweigh the drama, so I suck it up and go once a week.  My senses are assaulted but my hair is fabulous.  So since my hair place is in the city and I'm not, I have a back up place that I use.  The contrast is night and day.  The place is beautifully decorated someone greets me at the door AND it's always swept and mopped.  So, what's the problem?  Well, let's start with they are 10-6.  I am a get in-get out person.  I could be finished at 10:00 in the regular spot because they open at 8, 7:30 if you work it out with your hairgirl. 

     I am also bothered by what appears to be a lack of reinvestment strategy in both places.  Cityspot has 8 hairdressers, two shampoo girls, 16 dryers and two sinks.  Poor design to start with but hey.  Countryspot has 4 sinks, 5 hairdressers, a roller girl and 10 dryers.  So, at cityspot, assuming that nobody is there to perm, and every dryer is full they are making $240 every hour.  Countryspot charges more and has faster dryers so they are making slightly more.  So, why oooh why does the toilet tank look like this?  Ladies, reinvest your profits.  I think so...and what?

Chronicles Of A Sista

So today, I am bringing you the first installment of "Chronicles of a Sista." It will be a weekly installment of how I--a sister--react, relate or deal with one of those things that goes with being a sista. Now, let me just add a disclaimer: I WILL NOT BE HOLDING MY TONGUE. For the most part I plan to discuss things that impact me but may have meaning to others, male or female, that can relate to it. So, the inaugural topic for Chronicles of a Sista?

BABYMOMMAS  

     So, I believe it bears mentioning that I am a "Babymomma" and an ex-wife and I'm cool with being both.  Now, the "Babymomma" has been the subject of numerous songs, venomous rants, get back pleas, love and hate.  So, as best I can tell, the term originated in Caribbean community to characterize the relationship between two people who no longer shared a relatonship but do share a child or children.  There are several connotations--that go with the usage of the term.  Some conjure up disdain, some conjure up sadness. 

     The term crossed over into pop culture, most likely with the reference to Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise as they used it to reference their relationship even though they were together.  I guess everything will end up crossing over sooner or later. 

    So, who is she?  She can be your biggest ally or your worst foe--depending largely on how well she has worked through her own shit.  Babymomma is often misunderstood but sometimes deservedly so.  There will be many more detailed musings about Babymomma and her counterpart, Babydaddy.

     In the meantime, welcome and please check back regularly--you never know what you will find in the "Chronicles of a Sista."