Happy First Birthday...

    So, Happy 1^st birthday to me.  One year ago today I Big Chopped.  As I have spent my first year as a natural chick it has been interesting and oddly freeing.  Below is the short list of reasons why.  This list in no specific order:

        My biggest support has come from other women as has my biggest criticism.  This is not especially surprising but it is nonetheless interesting.  I have blogged many times here about the difficulties that women seem to have forming solid constructive relationships with other women.  Women who are already natural have been uber supportive.  For the other part of my crew who are still perming I heard things like “‘that’s cool” and “ ‘you’re so brave’ “.  But now they love my hair.  More importantly, I love it too.
  There are white men who think natural hair is exotic.  I am not sure what to say about this so this is a rare occasion where I will say nothing.

              I gained a better understanding of what I thought made me "pretty."  The first time I looked in the mirror at my self with natural hair, I cried.  I was concerned more about how OTHER people would think I look than I was with how I felt i  looked.  This was a large part of my tears.

    I was not prepared for how verbal people could be about something so personal as how I choose to wear my hair.  I didn't find that people were that invested when I was perming or maybe perming was more the norm.

        I had to adjust to looking at myself in the mirror.  This was probably the most profound change.  I was no longer hiding under my hair.  I had to get by on bone structure and was no longer “the sista with the kinda long hair.” ( not my words.) I am not a big wearer of make-up but I did find that I selected different tones and colors—brighter around the eyes and more subdued on the lips.  This made me appear more natural.  At least, that’s what I heard.  

   So, here I am one year later and as you can see from the profile pic, it grows pretty fast.  So, if you are thinking about going natural, go for it.  I think so, and what?

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One Year And Counting...

"Waiting On The World To Change" or "Thanks for Sucking So Bad"

     So, Happy New Year.  Happy New You.  Unless, of course, you are already doing the same shit from last year. For the past two years, I have declared that "this is gonna be my year!!!!"--and wait for it...wait for it...NOTHING CHANGED.

     It was more anti-climactic than Y2K.  I was still at the same suck ass job, with the same crazy people who demand your respect but give little or none in return.  But, I was informed that I should or could not complain about my job, because I did in fact have one.  We don't tell people in abusive relationships to "Just be glad you have a partner.", so for me it was kinda the same thing.  Sorry, I digress.  Anyway, I realized the error of my ways.  I was singing the same song.  The same one he is singing.

    The reality is that waiting is the easier path.  I  decided to make some changes.  The reality is that my work experience has helped me realize that I need to work for myself.  Fucking scary.  I will have to cut the cord, and rise or fall on my own dime.  I am putting the steps in place and realizing a few things.

    The first thing is that the very reasons we cite for not doing something are the same reasons we should use to move forward.  For me, it was "how will I feed my kids?", "How will I do as a business owner?"  Well, I hope to find out about the second but if you know my crew, you also know that they last time they skipped food was the birthday cake at Methuselah's fifth birthday party.

     The second thing I learned was that just because people know you doesn't mean they are invested in you.  Some of your best friends have no interest in seeing you grow.  There are tough choices to make about with whom to share what.  Real talk.  I hope to look back on this at the end of the year and say "You Went Girl."

     I have my strategic plan, my mentor, my vision, my faith and a fistful of bills that tell me I can do this.  So, my suck ass job, is sucking a little less and has become the source of my strength.  I know that I can develop a model and show people how to change their organizations from OHHELLNO to THISISHOWWEDOIT.  So, Happy New Year to you and make sure that the ball that's dropping isn't yours.  Be on the bus or under it.  I think so, and what?