Let me preface this piece by saying that it isn't aimed at anyone in particular. Let me go on to say that it is judgement free. If you are currently, or have ever been the "side chick" and your situation is different then cool--rock the hell on. If however, some of this rings true for you then give it the next layer of thought. At any rate, here a Sista goes.
In school I was always taught that you need to "define your terms." This is true on so many levels and so many ways but that is another post. For the purposes of this particular piece, a "side chick" is basically any woman who knowingly consents to a relationship with a man that is already in a relationship with another woman. That being said, let me pause here to say that there are a billion ways that these relationships jump off. That's a discussion for another place and space. "Side chick"-ing requires the consent of at least two of the parties involved. The reality is that in this day and time, it frequently involves the consent of everyone involved.
Now, I have come to some personal conclusions and realizations about myself as I gave this some thought. I will share them in a piece of their own. The media, the hood and life experience put us on a path to believing that "all the single black men are gone"--or with Caucasian women. The reality is that if we are open to love, trust, honesty and non-judgment based on love and the potential for it--then he is out there. Many of us buy this hook, line and sinker and our Brothers LOVE it AND reap the benefits of desperation. Why shouldn't they? Men are--by their very nature--hunters. No hunter is going to pass up willing prey unless he is satisfied with what he has stored or is no longer interested in the hunt. Yup. I said it.
It appears to me that sidechicking is hard work. It also appears unfulfilling. But I'm on the outside looking in so I don't know for sure. I would guess that you have to spend a lot of time hoping. He needs to be able to get away from work, his actual woman, and whatever obligations he has in order to be with you. Now the argument I hear the most is "well, there are no strings attached" and "it works for me". Does it really? Then cool. As an outsider looking in it appears that the side chick isn't very high in the pecking order. It also appears that many of them are totally OK with that. I mean it's nothing wrong with shopping at three different stores to get all the things you need. I would just wonder if it's worth the trip? For the man's part in all of this--he should go into sales. This is Marketing 101. Get a customer, the side chick, to believe they need your "product". Cost and availability are never considered or an issue. A man is able to convince one or more women that being with him when he is available is better than being alone or even being with a partner that they have. This is impressive. The only more impressive feat in my eyes is pimping. She sells her ass and gives him the money. But believe me they run neck and neck.
I'm selfish about partners. I share so much other stuff with the world I have no interst in sharing my boo. Side chick would point out that I'm single and not getting any--but probably so is she. I get to skip fights about not being claimed, and the disappointment of Valentines' Day on February 17 or February 11. Family holidays are generally spent with the family, and usually that's not the sidechick. I guess I feel that the side chick is selling herself short. But hey, you can't want more for people than they want for themselves.
In life, you never really know what truly drives the choices that sisters make about men and relationships. If you pressed, there are probably some women that could not explain the logic to the choices that they have made. This isn't good or bad it just is. So, to the side chicks: No hate. You've made choices that work for you in the moment. Make new ones if the situation changes. I think so...and what?
Now, I have come to some personal conclusions and realizations about myself as I gave this some thought. I will share them in a piece of their own. The media, the hood and life experience put us on a path to believing that "all the single black men are gone"--or with Caucasian women. The reality is that if we are open to love, trust, honesty and non-judgment based on love and the potential for it--then he is out there. Many of us buy this hook, line and sinker and our Brothers LOVE it AND reap the benefits of desperation. Why shouldn't they? Men are--by their very nature--hunters. No hunter is going to pass up willing prey unless he is satisfied with what he has stored or is no longer interested in the hunt. Yup. I said it.
It appears to me that sidechicking is hard work. It also appears unfulfilling. But I'm on the outside looking in so I don't know for sure. I would guess that you have to spend a lot of time hoping. He needs to be able to get away from work, his actual woman, and whatever obligations he has in order to be with you. Now the argument I hear the most is "well, there are no strings attached" and "it works for me". Does it really? Then cool. As an outsider looking in it appears that the side chick isn't very high in the pecking order. It also appears that many of them are totally OK with that. I mean it's nothing wrong with shopping at three different stores to get all the things you need. I would just wonder if it's worth the trip? For the man's part in all of this--he should go into sales. This is Marketing 101. Get a customer, the side chick, to believe they need your "product". Cost and availability are never considered or an issue. A man is able to convince one or more women that being with him when he is available is better than being alone or even being with a partner that they have. This is impressive. The only more impressive feat in my eyes is pimping. She sells her ass and gives him the money. But believe me they run neck and neck.
I'm selfish about partners. I share so much other stuff with the world I have no interst in sharing my boo. Side chick would point out that I'm single and not getting any--but probably so is she. I get to skip fights about not being claimed, and the disappointment of Valentines' Day on February 17 or February 11. Family holidays are generally spent with the family, and usually that's not the sidechick. I guess I feel that the side chick is selling herself short. But hey, you can't want more for people than they want for themselves.
In life, you never really know what truly drives the choices that sisters make about men and relationships. If you pressed, there are probably some women that could not explain the logic to the choices that they have made. This isn't good or bad it just is. So, to the side chicks: No hate. You've made choices that work for you in the moment. Make new ones if the situation changes. I think so...and what?
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